Part 2: Taste and See that the Lord is good!

If I am perfectly honest on my blog I will have to confess that the Lord and I have lost our swagger. It appears that I have decided, without really realizing it, that I am to be the focus of my own life. So for the last 6 months I have been bitter, resentful, and pouring myself into myself and into the approval of others. IT IS EXHAUSTING! EXHAUSTING!! Hamster on a wheel doesn't even cover it. I'm pretty sure that if that were the picture about 3 months ago this hamster fell down and was going so fast that I was sticking to the side of the wheel flat allowing the momentum to keep me spinning.

Thursday I was thrown off.

I had replaced most truth if not all with lies that Satan fed me and I ate up like it was Ben & Jerry's Toffee Crunch. After an emotionally exhaustive day on Thursday I was supposed to hop in a car on Friday morning and go encourage and pour into leaders for the weekend, ha yea right. We had some stuff we had to figure out first. Why? Why had Thursday happened? What was my role in it? What is the Lord trying to get my attention for? What will I chose to do in response?

I love journaling. It is my exit, it is my love letter to Him and it is my joy to keep a prayer journal. I haven't journaled in almost 6 months! WHAT?!? Have I kept the Lord out of the most intimate of places for 6 months? Sure there was an entry here or there and there have def been times of prayer but the daily constant relationship of bearing my soul for Him to so willing hold has been gone. So Friday I beared- what came out was not pretty.

"He feeds on ashes, a deluded heart misleads him; he cannot save himself, or say "Is not this thing in my right hand a lie?" Isaiah 44:20

Oh have I replaced His truth for their lies and held on tight. I cannot save myself but I am willing to take a long hard look at this thing in my right hand and you better believe it is stacked with lies. I sat with the Lord and enjoyed His presence. I saw His smile, I felt His tenderness and I know that what He has to replace is going to be freeing I am literally giddy with excitement. GIDDY with excitement to dig in deep, saddle up, and bear my soul so that the truth of the Lord of WHO I AM and WHO HE IS, is NOT what I have settled for.

I have traded in what my heart could know for what my eyes could see.