I most resemble a chicken...

*it is about to get real real up in here*

What is it about people pleasers and hard conversations? I (oops I mean) They can tell you it is like mixing oil and water it is never going to go.  We may try our hardest with the best intentions to approach a tender subject but when the rubber hits the road we are always getting off the phone kicking ourselves for letting it slide one more time.  It is tricky really.  How do you broach a subject that will end up with us wondering if you still like us or heck if you even like us to begin with.  The problem with us people pleasers is that we like to keep everything moving along nicely.  So if the conversation is great this time, I'll forget about the other 10 times that I felt like it wasn't great because at this very moment things seem fine.  They will always seem fine in the moment (for the most part) because we aren't stirring the water.  We are telling the jokes, or listening to the stories and we are trying our hardest the whole time waiting for this "thing" to casually be brought up.  Casually doesn't happen.  Hard conversations never just pop up like oh hey this exact thing happened to you today well I'm so glad you brought it up, I've been meaning to ask you too....  (you can fill in the hard convo blank here).  I know what I'd fill it in with.

Sure we people pleasers practice the approach.  We train for hours thinking about how to casually work it in, or repeat the beginning awkward blunt part so we'll have the courage BUT it never actually happens.  Here is what will happen.  We will eventually bow out, it is far too exhausting for us to always be ready and prepared to bring it up and then so frustrated at ourselves for another missed landing OR we will bite the bullet, stumble and put our foot in our mouths until it sounds something along the lines as what we rehearsed.   That is it those are our two options, there is no middle ground and no grey area.  It is all or nothing with us.

And....

One day I will stop writing 19 emails that never get sent, I will stop practicing every possible conversation and possible outcome of each of those conversations and I will boldly just talk about things out in the open like real people.  Until then I will tell jokes, kick myself for not asking questions, and wish I was in 2nd grade when all you had to do was check a box!